Boulder. Supposedly the epidemy of cool. A hippie safe-haven. A forward thinking, cleaner living community. I have yet to appreciate any of those things in this town. So a far I have experienced attitude. A notion that because your zip code is within Boulder Valley you are automatically a marathon-runner, summited at least half of Colorado’s 14‘ers, you are continuously on a juice cleanse, attend yoga three nights per week (while wearing nothing other than lulu lemon attire), and probably own your own super altruistic non-profit that fixes all the worlds problems which you started while you were still in college (a prestigious liberal arts college, no doubt).
I do not fit in here. I believe in all of those things. Health. Wellness. Vitality. But I am only human - a VERY AVERAGE human at that. I have climbed ONE 14’er. I have done ONE juice cleanse. I run 5K’s and think they are challenging. I attend yoga once every couple of weeks (I will admit that I do own ONE lulu lemon outfit). I went to a state school, and I work as a nurse and only sometimes like it. I am not the average Boulderite (and I have been average my entire life).
It seems like it has to be all or nothing. There is no place for mediocrity in Boulder. You either give it your all or nothing at all. Marathoner or couch potato. I for one do not have the time nor desire to dedicate my life to fitness. Please hear me when I say I want to stay fit. But to compete at the level that these folks compete at is unattainable for me - at least it is if I want to continue doing the things that I actually like to do.
The thing is, I really do like myself - or at least I do when I am in my right state of mind and not feeling burdened by everything that I am not. I am good at things. I love gardening. And cooking. I love music. I am an introvert and I want to be a farmer. As Kate says, “ make your own definition of awesome.” But I’m struggling with that. I’ve never been the best at anything. So even though I am good at a few things, it seems that my “good” is just not good enough in the eyes of Boulder.
You know, that’s another thing: everything that I like (and have liked for long time) is now trendy. Especially in Boulder. I hate that. They have taken what I love and made it trendy. It makes me feel disingenuous even though it was my thing first - people don’t know that. Before when I would say those things, it would give people an idea of who I am and now when I say that they have no way to differentiate between me and every other gardening, kale-eating, wanna-be-homesteading 20-something.
So I’m in this strange place where I don’t fit in at all and yet I’m exactly like everyone here. I don’t feel defined. I don’t feel accepted. I don’t feel like me right now.
