I love how sometimes old friends can ground you. Bring you back to center - remind you who you are at your core.
Hilary and I just spent 2 1/2 hours talking and it felt like no time passed at all - and we hardly caught up on the FACTS of life (on our way to bed I said, ‘oh yeah, aren’t you in nursing school?!”). That’s the sign of a really good conversation - when you don’t feel the need to talk about yourself to keep the conversation moving. We spoke on a much higher level. It was fantastic.
Something that really opened my eyes was when she was speaking about the nine levels of ego. It really got me thinking about MYSELF again. It might sound strange when talking about the comparison of enlightenment stages, but I couldn’t help but feel like I have regressed in someways since I’ve returned home. In Asheville, I spent SO MUCH TIME meditating, crying, writing and getting to know myself on a very deep and intimate level and I really feel like I am better for it. But now that I’m back in my comfortable life surrounded by people who love me, never with two nights in a row at home alone, I am loosing touch with myself. I might be losing sight of what really matters in life and what direction I want to be heading.
I needed this reminder to recenter myself. Focus my energy on loving instead of criticizing/anticipating/nit picking at everything that doesn’t go my way.
I’ve been so impressed with my friend, Andrea. She and Zack just got engaged and she is so calm about it. I mean, she’s excited, but she wasn’t anxious about him popping the question (of course, it happened pretty quick) and she doesn’t have a lot of expectations as far as the ceremony goes. It’s lovely to see. In contrast, I spent an entire morning googling images of engagement rings and day dreaming about the different ways he could ask me and when. In reality he won’t do any of those things and when the day is over I will just be over the moon excited that we are actually getting married. I need to work on removing the expectation. Expectation can only lead to disappointment.
I also need to be more centered in myself. I feel like I WAS at one point, but adding another person to the equation kind of throws it off balance a little bit. But to find that peace again, the inner calm that I once felt, I think is my key to a long and happy life/marriage. I can only control myself, I can never change or control my partner.
How fantastic it is to have old friends in this world to ground me.
