Tom left for Vegas again today. Third year in a row and while I will certainly miss him there is definitely a part of me that is excited for him, for me and for us that he continues to do this every year. I'm glad he gets to go away for some quality "guy time" and participate in an activity that he loves and that he's challenged by. I'm excited for me because I get to come back to my roots, be with myself for long periods of time and remember what my instinctual routines are. And I'm excited for us because I love that we remain independent enough to do our own thing, be separated for many weeks but still feel rooted in love together. It's pretty cool.

I have a lot on my plate while he's gone this year. First off, I'm making reusable t-shirt bags for Andrea's company. Then I was thinking about doing a Sugar Detox (that shit is toxic) and now I'm reading this book - The Way of the Happy Woman. Which as it turns out is a self-help book... which I wasn't really bargaining for, but I might as well give it a go. Oh yeah, and I'm also working full time, volunteering for the Gardeners, mentoring, playing in a band, being a part of my family (ever growing by the twin-load), buying a house and planning a wedding. But otherwise it should be a pretty boring summer...

The most wonderful thing happened last night. Tom came home and was overcome by love for me and his life. It was so amazing to see and feel so much love radiating from him. He was hanging out with Ben and Doug, and while it is unfortunate that his joy was sparked by the misfortunes of his friends, it was delivered in a very sweet way of "I know that whatever happens, we'll be okay."I wish I could have recorded what he was saying - it felt like a dream. I have dreamt that literal conversation (you know, some super hot guy sitting on your couch bubbling over with love for you). He was so kind and heartfelt and wonderful. I loved that moment. My heart felt full.

It gave me so much confidence in our relationship to hear him say that. Not that I was on the fence or anything, but just to know that he feels it and believes it like I do makes all the difference. I only hope he can keep this feeling as we dive deeper into this thing....

I am so excited and so ready to marry him. We've really hit a stride here lately where we really just jive well together. It feels pretty perfect. Like an ideal van diagram of love. He has his life/work and I have mine and we overlap in all the right ways and show each other love, respect and trust. I really feel like I have a PARTNER in life. It's what I've always dreamed of for a marriage.

Buying a house is tough. Not only is it an exorbitant amount of money but it is such a big decision. It almost feels like choosing your future and who you want to be. Do we want to be suburbanites with the cookie cutter house and the pristine yard? Do we want to continue to wait for a tiny house closer to downtown where there is more culture and action?

The thought of suburbia always made me cringe. It still does, but now that I'm seeing first hand what we can get in our neck of the woods with the amount of money that we have I'm realizing why people move to the suburbs. A single family home in the location we want is SMALLER than the 2 bedroom condo that we have now. Location is important, but so is comfort and happiness. However, the suburbs require you to drive EVERYWHERE. Even the schools are too far to walk to.

Part of me is bummed we placed an offer on such a cookie cutter home. I always imagined I would live in one of those cute old homes on a street named after a tree or a president or something and placing this offer is giving up on that dream. It's giving up on that idea of my future. It makes me feel like I have to give up my hippie ideals, but who says you can't be a hippie in the suburbs? Hell, I'll finally have a yard so I can grow my own food and maybe raise a few ducks for eggs. I'll have the space to make my own home goods and I might actually feel like part of a community.

I guess we'll see.