Denver

Denver.  I'm feeling a dichotomy of emotions as I settle in here.

On the one hand I'm glad to be "home".  Having my family near is priceless.  I had to smile yesterday as I'm filling out paperwork for the new job and it asks for an "emergency contact" and I could put, without hesitation, my family members. It's nice to know that I can drive for 30 min in any direction and eat dinner with someone that I know. I am also feeling so grateful for my housing situation and the people associated with that.  I love that I didn't have to live alone but my room is secluded enough so the introvert in me is satisfied. And I am so thankful for Ariel including me so openly into her group of fabulous girlfriends - that above all else has softened the blow of moving.

But on the other hand....

I really hate saying that I grew up 30 min south of here. When I say it it's like the whole chapter of traveling and all of Asheville never happened.  I'm not exactly "new in town" because I was born here, but I haven't really ever lived here either.  I am starting to understand the analogy that cities are like a concrete jungle. I am always thankful when someone else wants to drive because I'm really not sure I breathe at all when I'm driving around here. Cars dart in and out. Racing past on the construction lined highways. The vets of the city know all the back roads so they can swing back road to back road avoiding the most treacherous areas, but I go where google maps suggests I go.... just like everyone else.... There is ALWAYS traffic.  Even mid-day on Speer.  Don't these people have to work?!? I really haven't figured out the rhyme or reason for "rush hour"  It's never at the time or place that I think it'll be, so I just assume that it'll be bad and I'm always right.   And I'm told that Denver is really easy to get around for a city.  And, another thing, I have hardly seen the mountains!  My heart is broken because of this! I mean, in the city there are too many damn buildings to even catch a glimpse and then if you can steal away a peak it's been so hazy from the various fires that it's just a suggestion of an outline.  I have been to the mountains a few times which has been nice... but, I'm ashamed to say, it's not as breathtakingly beautiful as i remember. There are people everywhere and I have seen in 20 years how much people have changed my beautiful state and it kills me.

And then I start to realize that this may not be my home. At this point I really feel a stronger bond and a greater pull to Colorado Springs.  That is my home.  I was born and raised in Centennial, but I grew up in Colorado Springs.  Denver is great.  There is always something to do, there are a million really cool people that all like to drink beer and hike but while I'm here I'm still feeling a bit homesick.  Or maybe I'm confusing "homesickness" with "wanderlust" and my annoying trait to always have my eye out for something better. I feel restless. I want to settle down, but then I have to commit to a location and date.  I hate dating. I'm so burned out.  At least there are men in Denver (unlike Colorado Springs) but that takes away my very handy excuse and makes me feel like I need to go shoe shopping or something to primp my peacock feathers.

Anyway... Overall I really am glad to be in Denver. It feels right for right now but probably not for forever. I appreciate that I am young and free and in the city and I expect that someday I will relish in these days. I am hoping to embrace every ounce of fun that Denver has to offer so that I can get the full experience of city life.